In the midst of the past week I re-covered why it is that right-sizing is so darn hard. At least for me. After two weeks of Weight Watchers, my home now stands empty of cookies, crackers, and chips. Not that I had a ton of them before, but I kept a few. My Just in Case Collection. You know. Just in case I had the impromptu game night, girls’ night, you name it. Or really Just in case, it got to be night time, and my head started spinning, heart started surging, and I needed a quick fix. Something to shove down the feelings I don’t want to face. For me that means the triumvirate of anger, frustration, and fear. I am not friends with any of these three emotions–in fact I was taught nice girls don’t feel anger and fear is something for the weak. And frustration, well, that was ok before I started thinking about responding rather than reacting. So, I started my Just in Case Collection. I didn’t sample from it often. Knew what I was doing when I did it. And just like I’m doing now, could intellectualize and rationalize my choices to indulge. But here’s the thing about that. It never really resolved anything; it merely quieted my inner-life. So, last week when I took the suggestion from my WW leader to literally trash the Just in Case Collection, I found myself back on the roller coaster with anger, frustration, and fear. Three unwelcome guests. And of course, for worship last week, I’m wrote the prayers of the people based upon Matthew 5, where Jesus tell us to reconcile with our neighbor before we come to the alter. So, I had to face it. Not only my need to work on reconciling with others but with myself. Of getting to talk with anger, fear, and frustration. Of reconciling that these emotions are just as much a part of me as joy, sorrow, love, and hope. Making friends with these pieces of myself. How am I ever to reconcile with my neighbors if I can’t even accept all of myself?
Quotes for the Week:
“Anger as soon as fed is dead – / ‘Tis starving makes it fat.~Emily Dickinson
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”~Eleanor Roosevelt
“…leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:24).