Day of Reckoning

So, if you couldn’t tell from last week’s post, life was going on in full swing.  And having recently returned from the Fairy Tale of Food Heaven, I wasn’t ready for the reality of menuing, measuring, and memoing my health.  So I took a sabaath from tracking, running, and in general thinking about what I put in my mouth for a week and a half.  It was a much needed breather.  Sometimes there’s nothing like a Cookout Banana Pudding Milkshake to cure all that ailes you.  I mean really what can’t ice cream, biscuits and cheese cure?  I have to think all the world’s problems might just be solved by enjoying some good food with some good friends.  Or at least if we took the time to sit around a table, really shared food and drink, and listened to what one another had to say.

At the same time, the lure of veering off the stewardship of self loomed large.  Oh, not only did I indulge in edible goodies last week, I also indulged in some of my other favorite past times:  over-committing, enabling, and controling.  It wasn’t until listening to the sermon on Sunday that I realized–“DOH!  Megan, there you go again!  You’ve both forgotten that you are not in fact a super hero, caped crusader or christ and that you aren’t responsible for other people’s worlds–just yours.  And that is enough.”  It seems that when I’m not taking care of me, I really do believe it is my business to take care of everyone else.  When I say take care of everyone else, I mean solve their problems, tell them what to do, and in general be the expert on everything–excpet well, myself.  I just sort swallow my own self-care down with a giant gulp the way I do a milkshare.  Not so pretty, my friends.

And then I just get irritable, grumpy, grouchy…the list goes on.  So, Sunday I have this a-ha.  It’s Palm Sunday.  We celebrate and welcome the triumphant entry.  And like the crowd, I so easily know what I THINK this salvation thing should look like.  I THINK I know what is best.  And I THINK I want to be in charge of what everyone else should do.  I have this a-ha, but does that stop me?  Oh no!  I might have gotten back to the gym and back on the scale (up a pound–and not beating myself up–this is success for me), but I still managed to pick a fight with boyfriend (we’ll call him Aidan–yes I used to watch Sex and the City and honestly I’m much more of an Aidan gal than a Mr. Big chic, but I digress)  As Aidan shares about his day and the trials of apartment searching, I not only need to give my two cents, I open up the wallet to pour out all my change.  I catch myself and apologize.  And as I drove to the hospital last night for my on-call shift, I couldn’t help but realize…there I go again!  And that my friends is why I have discovered that I need to continue to commit to this stewardship of self.  Apparently, something in the process of me taking responsibility for me helps me not try to take responsibility for everybody else.  But cookout milkshakes, Biscuitville, and dinner with friends…well, that’s a sabaath worth taking any time.

Quotations for the Week

My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and talents, and I lay both of them at His feet.  Mahatma Gandhi

Self-discipline is self-caring. M Scott Peck

As I surrerendered my imaginary power over others, I gaied a more realistic view of my own life

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