In the Belly of the Whale

It’s All Saints Sunday

and I can’t seem to cross the threshold

into a house of worship.

The shoulds whisper in my ear.

The outtas tap on my shoulder.

Still something inside says

Not yet.

Not this year.

This year I grieve

with a London Fog

and my cafe community.

This year I confess

there is still so much

not yet-ness in me.

This year I honor

that something still strikes

a little too close to home

when I read the struggles

of my sisters and brothers

who lead.

Something that snags me

like a fish lore

and I’m tugged

into the past.

Perhaps the coffee shop

is my whale

and it has swallowed me whole.

A womb that waits to deliver

me onto the shores of Nineveh.

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3 thoughts on “In the Belly of the Whale

  1. Sounds like doubts or fears have you stuck. I fight those feelings of uncertainty and fear, too. Maybe you need to pray and rest. I don’t think it’s chance that I found your blog today. I wrote my blog on prayer and rest, because that is what I need today. Doing a search on my tags, got me to your blog. So, maybe you need to spend some time praying and resting, too. Whatever is preventing you from crossing that threshold, could be overcome with prayer and rest. It can’t hurt to try. I will pray for you, too. God is blessing you today. Listen for Him.

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    • Thanks for your words. I am in a season of praying and waiting and wilderness wandering. And I’m blogging through it as part of my spiritual practice. I have always appreciated learning from fellow pilgrims who have had the courage and vulnerability to share the joy and struggle of walking in faith. And writing for me has been form of prayer and connection to the Holy, and I’ve been encouraged to share that sense with a wider community. Glad you found the blog. Peace to you.

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  2. Thanks for sharing your journey, Megan. The words that come to mind to describe what you are doing is: practicing public self-compassion. Your practice of courage inspires me to be more honest in my own writings and in my own life. Thank-you. Peace and peace to you.

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